SINGAPORE: A 22-year-old Singaporean woman says she feels used and emotionally drained after allegedly being made to pay for most of her relationship expenses while her boyfriend claimed he was “saving for their future.”

In a post shared on a local forum on Thursday (May 21), the woman said she has been dating her boyfriend since 2023. According to her, he is a university graduate with a stable full-time job earning around S$5,000 to S$6,000 a month. She, on the other hand, is a diploma holder who runs a small home-based business and earns roughly S$3,000 to S$4,000 monthly.

She explained that pursuing a degree was never something she wanted for herself, saying the financial cost and academic pressure did not appeal to her.

“I don’t want a degree because it’s financially expensive, and I know I won’t be able to handle the pressure, so for me, a diploma is enough,” she wrote.

Despite earning less than her boyfriend, she claimed she somehow became the one footing most of the bills in the relationship. According to her, she regularly pays for meals, dates, petrol, and other day-to-day expenses whenever they go out together.

Over time, the financial burden allegedly became even heavier. She said she ended up contributing to bigger expenses, too, including paying for half of one of his university semesters and helping with costs related to his car.

“The only time he pays is when I start to get annoyed that he hasn’t been paying for anything,” she wrote. “Sometimes when I do, he says he’s saving for our future (has stocks or something, it’s not clear).”

Eventually, she said she reached her limit and decided to confront him about the arrangement. She suggested that they either split expenses more fairly or simply pay separately when they go out.

However, instead of understanding where she was coming from, she claimed her boyfriend became upset and defensive.

“He got angry and said he’s been considerate about how he’s [saving] for us so we can have a good house or whatever next time and that I’m ungrateful, and since I’m the one who’s running a business, my income is subject to a lot more growth, so I should be the one taking the financial burden when we go out now, and we can work together on it in the future after we settle BTO housing or whatever….”

“You’re too young to have a sunk cost fallacy. Find someone else.”

In the comments section, many users sided with her, saying she was right to question how finances in the relationship were being handled. Several felt the arrangement was unfair, given that he earned more but still contributed less. 

One wrote, “The same gaslighting playbook—it’s for our future, blah blah blah. Earning S$5-6k and having a car lol sounds like a very financially prudent person.”

Another said, “Please invest in yourself. Get that degree and get higher pay. Move on from this gaslighting relationship. For someone who earns twice as much as you, he can’t even buy a dinner? Time to move on. Please save yourself from a big headache and learn to PRIORITISE your needs.”

A third wrote, “Just dump him. What kind of self-respecting man lets his girlfriend, who earns less pay for the majority of the relationship? Unless it’s for paying off student debts, a guy like that is a complete burden. You’re too young to have a sunk cost fallacy. Find someone else.”

A fourth added, “Girl, the trash showed itself, and you really should take it out because it’s starting to go bad…Please don’t let people take advantage of you.”

A fifth shared a personal experience, saying their parents were in a similar situation.

“My parents are exactly like this. Mum earns way less, but was the one contributing to all the finances since me and my sibling were young. our allowance, food, and daily necessities. Dad, just for some reason, does not contribute financially despite earning twice the amount. They are now divorced with 2 traumatised children. So take that for what it is.”

In other news, a domestic helper in Singapore has claimed she suffered emotional distress after months of alleged privacy violations, constant surveillance, and verbal abuse from her employer.

Posting anonymously in the SINGAPORE TRANSFER (No Fees/SD), DIRECT HIRE & NEW HELPER Facebook group, the helper said her “lady employer”—whom she described as a “perfectionist with high standards”—would regularly check her phone and read her private messages.

Read more: Maid says employer checks her phone, reads messages, and tracks her on day off: ‘I don’t have peace or freedom’

This article (SG woman says boyfriend earning S$5K–S$6K still expected her to cover most expenses) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.